Being Positive

Well I guess after posting five times so far this week I think it's only fair to finish on a positive note. The days prior to today have been full of woe and we can't leave it like that.

Today we went out into the woods and did a short circuit as dad was walking pretty slow and taking his time, I guess he's still tired. He also took a lead with him, which he hasn't done for many years as he doesn't get lost anymore and never usually goes far. He let me off the lead once in the trees and I had a great time just mooching about.

I'm not fully myself yet and that'll probably take a week or so to get there. I've lost my house training and woke mum at 4am with a living room that needed mopping and poop that needed scooping. I will find a corner to wee in, if no one notices that I need the toilet. But the mop and bucket never seem far away.

I want to follow dad upstairs, but they look like a mountain, so I'll stay downstairs for now. I like being outside and watching people go by and the strange thing is I don't give anyone my biggest barking, woofing and bouncing around type of hello as they pass just yet either - not even the postman! This is all typical of the after effects of a cluster of seizures and once I go up the stairs everyone knows that I'm back to myself.

Even with not being myself 100% I'm still a million times better than I've been all this week and that's worth being very, very happy about.

Idiopathic* Epilepsy is a debilitating and evil infliction. There's no rhyme or reason, it just is, and does what it likes at any time it seems. There's no trigger we can identify for it, unlike some forms where flashing lights or colours can trigger a seizure. So we just deal with it as and when. The horrible reality is that we'll never know how far is too far or how many is too many. This past week was again evidence that even in the darkest times there can be light at the end of the tunnel - which I have to smile about as I recently read "That light at the end of a tunnel is an approaching train".

It's understandable why some would have given in way before we have. It's a terrible burden and strain on everyone involved, emotionally, physically and psychologically... and sadly financially. But the worst part is the guilt. Not knowing if by not taking the tough decision you're making the wrong choice, or if by making it you'll have made it too early. It's just so very cruel.

So once more we just deal the hand that's dealt and smile and be happy for the good times we've had and the good times we're still yet to have.

*  Idiopathic is an adjective used primarily in medicine meaning arising spontaneously or from an obscure or unknown cause.

Winning

Following on from Yesterday dad and I got a good nights sleep. Maybe that has something to do with my Diazepam and dad's exhaustion. Still feeling spaced out like first day in rehab, but a whole lot better than yesterday.

Dad got up to give me the last of the Diazepam this morning and found I'd left mum a big pile at the bottom of the stairs (don't know why it was for mum, but dad didn't want it). This isn't unusual as after a cluster and I'm in recovery I lose some of my training and forget how things work. Like going upstairs right now is out of the question, and getting in the back of the car - my favourite place in the whole world - needs some help.

But the good thing about this morning was two breakfasts - winning! Dad gave me my tablets and breakfast, then let me out. Then when mum got up for work she gave me breakfast too, and I didn't waste any of it.

Later we went off to the vets and dad had to lift me into the back of the car. I couldn't figure out how to get in. At the vets he had to help me out to as it seemed awfully high in the air.

The vet checked me over and spoke with dad and we arranged to go back next week for a blood test. The irony of which isn't lost on dad, since the previous Friday he refused to have one done at our usual vets because a) they aren't cheap, b) no one reports any of the results and c) the medication hasn't changed since the last three blood tests.

So the vet was very nice and I really think they must hate the Internet because it gives everyone access to so much information. The vet said they could do blood today, but dad asked about the effect of the Diazepam on the results as "Diazepam increases the serum levels of phenobarbital" and Epiphen (phenobarbitone) falls into this category. So instead we're going back on Tuesday night.

The vet also said she wasn't charging us for this visit, which was nice as it really was a flying visit. In, quick listen to my chest, a chat with dad and out again in 5 minutes.

So things are definitely looking positive. I'm in my usual recovery situation, timid, a bit confused and slow, but as expected. This being the biggest scariest most stressful episode, but not unique - we still remember back to January 2010, when we thought the Epilepsy had run it's course then too.

At Wit's End

This has been a terrible, terrible week... and it's still not over.

Dad had to go into work today. Three days off already is a bit too much. Luckily Blaine was off college so was able to spend the day with me. Which is just as well because I know dad's been fretting about me.

Last night nothing had improved. Still fitting every 2 hours, but still coming out of it reasonably well. Tired, timid and restless. But then late on a seizure sent me over the end and meant I was scared of the stairs again. This meant sleeping downstairs alone, dad was just too exhausted not to get some sleep after 3 days.

I still woke him up four times in the night. Once with just being restless and clumsy, walking into walls and doors until dad come and effectively barricaded everything I could walk into. Then three times with seizures.

This morning I was in a sorry state and dad had to leave me with Blaine.

Blaine sorted out the 4 x 10mg Diazepam at 3pm and after a call from dad reported that I'd not had a seizure all day since the one at 5:45am. I was just exhausted and didn't trust my own legs. That's the problem with having tiled floors downstairs. With all the pee and slobber it gets very slippy and now I walk like it's a frozen pond about to crack, legs all star-fished out and very slowly.

When mum and dad got home, dad made sure I got up and went out as I was lying in a big smelly puddle of wee where I couldn't get the energy to stand. Dad sorted me, got me up and into the garden for a wee and a quick hosing down and shampooing to get rid of most of the smell. I even ate my dinner lying down in the kitchen.

Now I'm up and outside where the floor isn't slippy I'm gonna stand at the gate for a while and watch the world go by.

Tomorrow, it's back to the vet. Hoping I feel a lot better soon. This has been the biggest scariest episode to date. Let's hope it's over with.

Tough Times

Last night and today are taking their toll on both me and dad. Every couple of hours I have a seizure followed by a period of being totally unresponsive. Dad would try to rouse me and I'd just lay there and not move. He had to really persevere to get me up and moving. Offering some of mum's lemon drizzle cup cakes is what did it. I was so hungry for them I'd almost take dad's fingers off.

This morning the seizures were still coming, but at least I'd be responsive afterwards. So dad thought it best to take a trip to the local vets - we haven't been to a local one for years as I usually go to the one where dad works. They checked me over and after talking with dad have gone for adding 40mg of Diazepam three times a day, with 10mg of rectal Diazepam if it's needed.

Within an hour of getting home I went off into another seizure. So although when I went to the vet I was bright eyed and a bit hyper active this cluster isn't over yet.

We've got an appointment to go back to the vets on Friday to follow up on how things are going.

Nobody expects...

... the Spanish Inquisition

Or that seizures will mess about with your week completely. After waking dad up early he took the day off work to keep an eye on me. As it had been 3 months since the last seizure we expected them to be big and regular.

Well seizures don't play that way. Nothing happened all day and it wasn't until gone 8pm that I had another one. After that it's been about every 2-3 hours going all through the night. So that left dad having to take another day off work, not just to look after me, but because he was tired from getting up so regular in the night.

It was the usual stuff thrashing and peeing and dad calming me down for 20 minutes or so, then I'd go back to sleep.

Slow Motion

Well it's been quite a while since I last updated the site. In some respects this is very good news, but then this update means there's something to write about.

After going more than 3 months without seizure I woke dad up at 5am with a seizure. It was somewhat strange, in as much as all the seizures have something different about them. It was a full thrashing seizure, but not a violent as it usually is. Dad seems to think it was like it was in slow motion. There was the usual paddling and peeing, but ist was pretty mild compared to prior seizures.  Afterwards I wanted to get up and pace around. But dad had managed to calm me down and get me to lay down and go back to sleep.

So now we're just waiting on the rest of the seizures to arrive.